Those partakes now and then.

Perhaps I’m a girl of my own world that I couldn’t care less of what others are doing but too soon than I realize, the ignorance in me kills them and build the barrier between us all. It’s like I’ve been living in a thick mirror that hides me from other people; I could see what they are doing out there but I just can’t scream and yell their names out to let them hear my voice. That pathetic. That terrible. It’s good to see they are happy, laughing and joking. But it’s saddening to see that I’m not longer a part of their happiness, the laughters. I once vowed to myself that I always wanted to be a good friend, the one that never fades as time passes by. The one that walks in when everybody walks out. The one that would be there when others would not. Years passed and now look at what had I done and what damages had I caused. I grew holes in their hearts myself, no one but me.

Frienship is nothing like a Coke. Nothing like an Oldtown. It’s not buyable, not sold anywhere but owned by hearts and fertiled with deeds and good thoughts. It’s something that we always cherish at. And I’m afraid that I’m soon, going to lose it.

Ask me why didn’t I try and save it from missing? Ask me why didn’t I do something about it instead of just whining? Ask me, ask me away dear friend.

I did. I DID do something about it.

But perhaps, they just didn’t work. They just didn’t seem to work. Never knew it took me double the effort to just maintain a friendship among us friends. It took a lot of courage to take care them. I tried, for months and months and I was once tired. Too much of people talks and issues with oneself they made me felt like it was worthless keeping them taken care of. I was dissapointed with them myself, for I thought I was the only one who was trying to make effort and patching things up between us while them.? I was disenchanted so I thought I might want to back off and took a rest. So I left my friendship tree which once I grew with the people I love. It could have grown well if I wasn't that keen to leave.

But told you, the ignorance is the silent murderer. I always wanted to come back, be there where I left and tried making things right but when I realize it was just too late. It’s now will never be the same as it was. I don’t blame the people around me for this to happen but I feel disgust with myself for letting it to happen. Where’s my vow that once I used to confess? Where were I when they needed me and others left? I lost my faith in them and now I guess karma is paying me price for being an ignorant as a friend.

I always wanted you to know, I might not gonna say anything when we bump onto each other one day, I deserve not, but deep down, I will always be there as friend and forever, I wish I could make up for all the wrong doings I’ve done. I learnt that taking care of many hearts is the hardest part in friendship for once it’s broken it’s hard to mend but I too learnt that by doing nothing is the worst out of all it builds barriers that only separate us all.

I’m sorry.